Katarina Tomšič, plot designer, author and editor of the diary, which she gave an appealing title Our very first 1095 steps, in one of her notes discusses that adoption can either be successful or unsuccessful.

So it is no different from the other, more common families with "their own, born” children. Even in adoptive families, nothing is black and white; it’s colored with all the shades in between. Every family has some more and some less happy times; it has days when the family members feel bad and would rather run away, but it also has days when everyone is happy to be part of it. Every family has its own peculiarities that make it unique. The same applies to an adoptive family.

I am grateful to have been able to read the diary, written for adopted children by the brave and determined Katarina, while it was already in the making and contribute when it came to linguistic issues. At the same time, it brought back moving memories of the time my husband and I decided to adopt: what the steps to our daughter were like, how we met and started our lives together. We didn’t make a baby book, but we do have rich photo albums; I kept a diary on her growing up and funny lists of my daughter’s made up words. We also have a treasure chest: our daughter’s first hat and teddy bear, a baby bottle and pacifier from the children’s home where she spent her first year, a plastic cup from the airplane, etc. Even now when our daughter is already a teenager, she likes to look at and read these intimate documents. We told her the story about how we decided to take her, about the first time we met and about the arrival to Slovenia, about the unforgettable first days, all the confusion mixed with powerful emotions, countless times. We travelled to her home country twice; we’ve also visited the facility where she spent her first year.

The story about his/her arrival is equally important to an adopted child as is the story about birth; unfortunately we usually don’t have enough information about it – it is the same with biological parents. It is better if we don’t push these topics away but rather include them in our lives.

All kinds of diaries, albums and memorabilia are equally important for us parents during the time that will surely come: the time when the child is becoming independent and we have to grow and develop with him/her. That period can be very painful for the family and related to fear, anger, resentment and disappointment. In those moments of feeling alienated and hated, something very little can be a big help. Maybe the diary Our very first 1095 steps...?

Slavica Remškar,
one of lecturer of the book Our very first 1095 steps & adoptive parent

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